Cambridge Speaks Out, “I’m sick of being a third wheel”

Southworks Cambridge Ontario 8

No matter how many obscurely detailed statues it builds, Cambridge can’t seem to attract the attention of KW. (Photo by JustSomePics)

Some call it the “Tri-City area,” some call it “KW,” and someone’s feeling a little left out.

“Ever since I became an official city in 1973 I’ve been trying to inch closer to Kitchener and Waterloo. Sure they say I’m one of them, but the truth is clear. They’ve always been closer.”

The official Tri-City motto is: A fine place for business, a great place to call home. The lesser known KW motto is: The two best friends anyone could ask for.

When confronted by The Honk, Waterloo didn’t have much to say, besides “Cambridge just isn’t my type.” Its brief statement is especially poignant after Waterloo was named Canada’s 3rd Most Romantic City.

Kitchener seemed confused by the allegations and said, “I hate drama so I don’t want to get in the middle of this. But I will say if a city has a problem with me, I wish it would just tell me to my face instead of talking behind my back.”

“Whatever,” said Cambridge. “Everyone knows that the smarter you are, the more likely you are to be single.”

Rumours have been circulating about a partnership between Cambridge and Guelph, a potential CG area, but Guelph quickly shot down our inquiries.

“Cambridge wishes,” said Guelph.

Other municipalities in the Waterloo Region would prefer to stay out of it.

“Don’t even get me started,” said St.Jacobs.

What do you think? Should Cambridge move on, or should Kitchener-Waterloo get over themselves?


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