The Ontario Organization of Architects (OOA) recently visited Kitchener to present an award for outstanding architecture to the city of Kitchener.
“The award is presented annually to cities that demonstrate architectural imagination in the construction of their public buildings,” said Harold Trevors, a member of OOA and the delegate who came to Kitchener to present the award. “We felt that the geometrical futurist entrance way was a fantastic juxtaposition against the inspiration-less city hall. It really made a statement.”
Kitchener mayor, Berry Vrbanovic, was present at Carl Zehr Square for the award ceremony.
“I think the new entrance way speaks a lot about the unique cultural heritage of the city, and the great people who make it what it is,” he announced to a crowd who had gathered there for the ceremony.
But the ceremony was cancelled when Trevors arrived, trophy in hand, only to discover that the new entrance way had mysteriously vanished.
“We carried the trophy all the way from Toronto — it’s really heavy and shiny — and then when we got to Kitchener the super cool structure wasn’t even there anymore.”
Mayor Vrbanovic tried to calm an increasingly disturbed crowd that had gathered at city hall for the ceremony but they erupted in outrage when Trevors announced that he was repealing the award, “because you can’t win an architectural award for invisible architecture.”
Waterloo Honk staff interviewed Trevors before he returned to Toronto. “It’s really unfortunate,” he commented, “especially given this city’s history of very poor decisions regarding the construction and destruction of its city halls. You know what I think? I think that Kitchener does need a team of architectural heroes, reborn in the gentrified remnants of its downtown heritage.”
Vrbanovic was equally downtrodden. “That trophy was so big. Man, I wish we could find the entrance way. They didn’t even know that it even had its own pyrotechnics. Way cool.”