Bouncy Castle City Bus (plus 66 others) Released For New Years Eve by The City of Waterloo

Preparations for the “I’ve Got 99 Cats Bus” are right on schedule. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What do Bouncy Castles, Slime Ball Pits, and Karaoke Saunas have in common? Nothing. But tonight they are 3 of 67 themes from The City of Waterloo’s New Years Eve Bus Initiative.

In an effort to discourage drinking and driving this New Years Eve, The City of Waterloo will be throwing 67 simultaneous public transit parties – each hosted on a separate city bus. Each bus will be host to a unique party, including Slip n’ Slide Bus, Pillow Fight Bus, Strobe Light Bus, and many more.

“Each party is inspired by the spirit of the City: exciting, innovative, and full of weirdos,” explains Stephen Scotty, the true mastermind behind the Party Bus Initiative.

Research has shown that last year over 80% of young people chose not to ride the bus on NYE, selecting “too boring” as the number one reason.

“I’d like to see the results of that survey after this year,” scoffs Scotty.

The buses will be released at 8pm this evening, and will be running according to their regular schedules. Keep an eye out for your favourite city councillors who will be stuck on the buses all evening, as  imposed by their official civic duties.

“I just hope I don’t get assigned to the Bouncy Castle Zoo Bus,” states the Deputy Major.

Other buses include:
Piranha Aquarium Bus
Glow in the Dark Petting Zoo Bus
Karaoke Sauna Bus
Butterfly Conservatory Bus
99 Cats Bus
Magma Bus
Snakes on a Bus Bus
Everything is Orange Bus
Science Experiment Bus
Open Air Bus
Snuggie Bus
Mumford and Sons Cover Band Bus
Bus of The Living Dead Bus
Magic School Bus Bus
No Chairs Bus
Pancakes and Coffee Bus
Make Your Own Dreamcatcher Bus
Nap Bus
Monkey Bus
Riding With The Dinosaurs 3D Bus
Nickleback Bus

Don’t drink and drive; drink and ride the Party Bus. You’ll be glad you did.
Happy New Year from The Waterloo Honk. Stay safe tonight!

Bat Cave Therapy Project on Rocky Ground

The University of Waterloo’s plans to install a Bat Cave for Terror Therapy seemed problem-free a few weeks ago. However after slight student protest, plans seem to be up in the air.

Yesterday the University of Waterloo revealed that the Bat Cave initiative, announced a year ago, has a possible opening date for the winter exam period of 2014. However, the great minds behind the Bat Cave Therapy project will have to overcome many obstacles in the upcoming week. Bat Cave Therapy is theorized to cause a boost in adrenaline, causing a sensation of primal terror, which is intended to put the terror experienced during exam into perspective. But with a projected cost of $155,000, the therapy project was met with immediate criticism from both students who felt that the project was too expensive, and faculty, who felt that the project not innovative enough.

The Centre for Innovative Stress Reduction (or CISR), a joint project with Brock University, issued the following statement earlier this week: “the Bat Cave project has hit several potentially fatal walls.” These “fatal walls” were not listed in the statement, but an anonymous email to the Waterloo Honk said that one of the major setbacks in the project was the discovery that not all bats drink blood. “We just figured they all did. Fruit munching bats are way less scary.”

Students Unsatisfied with Delays

Responses among students were varied. The majority of Arts students were critical of both the grammar and poor use of metaphor. Some did voice concerns that the Bat Cave would only be open to Math and Engineering students.

“I mean if a hundred some people came out to support those socialists at WPIRG last term, I really don’t see why we can’t mobilize students to support the Bat Cave,” said the head of the Business Outreach and Economic Student Union. Three members of BORESU, including one very lost looking German exchange student, protested outside the University of Waterloo President’s office for over an hour until a cleaning lady informed them the President was not in the building.

Project Manager Britanica Smith was very uncooperative when the Waterloo Honk attempted to contact her by phone over the holidays. She inexplicably refused to answer any of the Honk’s questions even when contacted at home on Christmas Eve, saying merely “where did you get this number?”

What do you think? Could Bat Cave Therapy be Waterloo’s most innovative achievement yet?