Mars ONE Will Take Every UWaterloo Student to Mars

E3 building, where it now stands, under the fiery glow of a passing meteor on Mars. Image adapted using photography of Victawr

E3 building, where it now stands, under the fiery glow of a passing meteor on Mars. Image adapted using the photography of Victawr

One Waterloo alum may soon be sharing his star-stuck reality with 36 thousand other students at the University of Waterloo. The UWaterloo grad Ken Bringer has been shortlisted for a one-way trip to Mars, where lucky participants will set up a colony to conduct valuable research.

“Everyone should come to Mars,” he famously said. “Well at least everyone from The University of Waterloo!”

Mars One seems to have taken his words to heart.

“He seems great, why not take the whole university?”

Innovation at it’s finest

“I figured it was the most innovative thing I could possibly do,” said the University itself, the first talking university of its kind. “If anyone is hesitant about the move, I’m sure they’ll forget all their worries once they stand beneath a raging meteor, casting its beautiful glow upon the Mars horizon.”

The University later added that no geese will be transferred to the new location on Mars.

Timeline

When the first wave of humans leave for Mars in 2024, all of the 3rd and 4th year UW students will join them. Staff will spend the majority of 2023 preparing buildings for the journey – mainly digging out their foundations and applying a space proof spray to the windows. Classes will run as normal during this time.

What does this mean for future students at The University of Waterloo? Well first of all a free trip to Mars! Don’t worry, all of your favourite professors will be there, due to a binding space travel clause in their contracts. Oxygen-enabled dorm accommodations will be available at a slightly increased cost. However it is highly recommended that you live in an oxygen-enabled campus dorm for the “full university experience.”

All those who chose to seek accommodations off campus will welcome to attend all student socials, for as long as they survive.

“I’m pretty proud of myself,” says the University. “Without my tuition fees, it wouldn’t be feasible to send anyone to Mars! Plus we already have Chris Hadfield, so we might as well.”

Disadvantages

Unfortunately, as of now, Mars credits will not be transferable to Earth institutions. But you won’t be able to afford a trip back for decades anyway, so it’s fine.

What do you think of the change? Will you be prolonging your university experience to include space travel?

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