An evil Waterloo goose gnawing his way into a class he didn’t pay for. (Photo credit: Floccinaucinihilipilification)
After returning from Reading Week, University of Waterloo’s Federation of Students (FEDS) have begun the search for a careless Audi driver. Unlike local police, however, the FEDS want to give the driver an award.
The driver, mentioned in a police report published in last Monday’s Record, hit a lamppost in Cambridge which caused at least dozens of dollars in damage, and inconvenienced other drivers by making the lamppost look “odd”, according a Cambridge native. After speeding out of Cambridge, the same car was seen driving recklessly across UW Campus. The drive killed two geese and inadvertently ploughed a useful path across St. Paul’s Green.
“We’re over all pretty pleased,” said a spokesperson for FEDS, “It’s getting close to spring, and the geese are starting to return. It’s time we took a stand and claimed what’s rightfully ours. As soon as the snow melts Waterloo’s campus will become a full out warzone. I’ve literally seen full grown grad students reduced to tears because a mother goose is blocking the stairs to the library.”
A group of vigilante students going by the name of The Coalition of Students Against Unlawful Goose Occupation called for a more extreme follow up action. On the list of ideas they submitted to a joint FEDS and UW council was a plan to mount the dead goose heads on spikes around campus. Both the FEDS and the University unanimously vetoed the proposal, citing possible reprisals against students come nesting season.
The Waterloo Honk 