FEDS Offer Reward to Goose-smashing Audi Driver

Silly Goose 1

An evil Waterloo goose gnawing his way into a class he didn’t pay for. (Photo credit: Floccinaucinihilipilification)

After returning from Reading Week, University of Waterloo’s Federation of Students (FEDS) have begun the search for a careless Audi driver. Unlike local police, however, the FEDS want to give the driver an award.

The driver, mentioned in a police report published in last Monday’s Record, hit a lamppost in Cambridge which caused at least dozens of dollars in damage, and inconvenienced other drivers by making the lamppost look “odd”, according a Cambridge native. After speeding out of Cambridge, the same car was seen driving recklessly across UW Campus. The drive killed two geese and inadvertently ploughed a useful path across St. Paul’s Green.

“We’re over all pretty pleased,” said a spokesperson for FEDS, “It’s getting close to spring, and the geese are starting to return. It’s time we took a stand and claimed what’s rightfully ours. As soon as the snow melts Waterloo’s campus will become a full out warzone. I’ve literally seen full grown grad students reduced to tears because a mother goose is blocking the stairs to the library.”

A group of vigilante students going by the name of The Coalition of Students Against Unlawful Goose Occupation called for a more extreme follow up action. On the list of ideas they submitted to a joint FEDS and UW council was a plan to mount the dead goose heads on spikes around campus. Both the FEDS and the University unanimously vetoed the proposal, citing possible reprisals against students come nesting season.

Enhanced by Zemanta
Advertisements

One thought on “FEDS Offer Reward to Goose-smashing Audi Driver

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s