For the past 45 years, Kitchener-Waterloo has been host to Canada’s Greatest Barbarian Festival: Oktoberfest. The festival has a long history of big feathers, accurate depictions of German culture, and many long nights of drunken debauchery.
According to the new chair of Oktoberfest, a co-op student from The University of Waterloo, the festival is outdated. He has decided to cancel this year’s Oktoberfest, and in its place has designed an enhanced festival for the summer. Augtoberfest.
The new and improved Oktoberfest
“We think people will like it better because it’s warmer. And innovative! And historical. Did you know that Kitchener used to be called Berlin? Schizer!”
5 million people flock to Kitchener-Waterloo for Oktoberfest; Augtoberfest project manager Brian Liable is certain that at least half that number will come out for Augtoberfest.
Redesigned for students, by students
Augtoberfest will begin with a variation on the traditional Thanksgiving Parade. Participants will ride on floats to a series of keggers, starting at Kitchener City Hall.* For the remaining 73 days of the festival, Augtoberfest will offer free pancake breakfasts in Waterloo Park, as well as free temporary tattoos featuring images of lederhosen. Hip-Hoptoberfest will remain the same because of its relevance and clever name.
* Juice will be provided for children participants.
“We really want Augtoberfest to reflect as much about the German ancestry as Oktoberfest does. We’ll be doing a few things to assure authenticity: encouraging everyone to wear German felt fedoras of course, serving the traditional Molson products our Oktoberfesters look forward to every year, and using the letter k instead of the letter c whenever possible.”
Mark your kalendars Waterloo: Augtoberfest celebrations will begin on August 1st, and will kontinue until the Friday before Canadian Thanksgiving.
“It just doesn’t make sense to celebrate Oktoberfest in October since we feel like celebrating it now.”
The Waterloo Honk wants to know: What new events would you like to see at Augtoberfest?