“Walking Licence” Now Required for Waterloo Pedestrians

shadow on sidewalk

Peter Peddy takes a photo of his shadow while waiting for his Walking Suspension to end. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

If you’re planning to walk anywhere in the Kitchener-Waterloo area ever again, you’re going to want to get your Walking Licence.

It was a lunch-break like any other for local business owner Peter Peddy – until he was approached by a police officer and ticketed for walking without a licence. Like the rest of Waterloo, Peter is required to obtain his Walking Licence, and carry it with him any time he plans on walking.

Peter Peddy got off easy with a warning and a 3 minute walking suspension, during which he was carted over to a designated penalty square to serve his sentence with the rest of the violators.

Just one more step in the Waterloo Travel Strategy

The Waterloo Travel Strategy has opened their licensing department in the parking lot of The Shops Uptown. They assures everyone that any “non-idiot” will pass the test on their first try.

“You just have to demonstrate your ability to walk on the right side of the pathway, obviously, maintain a speed between 5 and 6 kilometers per hour, look both ways twice before crossing the streets, no excessive arm swinging, never walk through a handicap parking spot without a proper permit, and of course, no unreasonable stomping.” Much like driving, texting while walking will be an ultimate offence, and will result in an automatic 3 year licence suspension.

What happens after the licence is revoked?

“That’s a question people are going to have to ask themselves before they walk anywhere with excessive arm swinging, isn’t it?” giggled spokesperson for Waterloo Travel Strategy.

Additional classifications are available for advanced walking. For example: Class S for stroller pushing, Class C for walking while drinking coffee, and Class E for walking in a suit.

Minimum Speed signs will be erected in high traffic areas in which people don’t have time to wait for slowpokes, and where there is nothing interesting to see anyway.

If unlicensed, a pedestrian could face walking suspensions ranging from 3 minutes to 5 years. On the assignment process, one police officer has this to say: “It really depends on their misdemeanour, how I feel in the moment, and their perceived ability to use alternate forms of transportation such as cars, trucks, or smartcars.”

The new Walking Licence is just one step in the Waterloo Travel Strategy, which will ideally switch everyone over to exclusive street-car travel by next year.

Why pick on pedestrians?

“Pedestrians are 98% more likely to be involved in a sidewalk related accident than any other form of transportation. We’re just trying to keep our city safe.”

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