Effective immediately, anyone operating a bicycle on the streets of Waterloo must also be certified to drive a motorcycle.
Last month the City of Waterloo announced the infamous new bike-car bylaw, which required all cyclists to attach seat-belts, windshields, and blinkers to their bicycles.
But the transit tables turned after The Record published a ground-breaking study which concluded that bike lanes actually do lead to fewer bike related accidents. The city reacted immediately by eliminating the bike-car bylaw, and creating a more sensible alternative: the M2 licensing system.
As easy as riding a motorcycle
“Getting your M2 licence is a breeze,” assures transit expert Bob Flabbs. “You just have to ride a motorcycle around the city while answering trivia questions about motorcycle maintenance. The mandatory ramp jump is a turn-off for some, but as I always say: if you’re not brave enough to ride a motorcycle off a ramp you shouldn’t be biking the streets of Waterloo.”
Flabbs and the rest of his team acknowledge that “riding a motorcycle isn’t exactly the same as riding a bicycle. But it’s close enough.” Apparently anything is safer than using bike lanes to glorify the ignorance of thousands of unlicensed plebeians.
What about the kids?
In response to concerns, the city has eliminated the age restriction on M2 certification. In response to more concerns, children under the age of 7 must have adult accompaniment during the test, who will ride the the sidecars of the child-propelled motorcycles.
So will children with motorcycle licences be allowed to ride motorcycles? “Well, yes,” says Flabbs. “But we hope they don’t.”
Are bicycles too old fashioned for Waterloo?
Mr.Flabbs certainly thinks so. “I wouldn’t be surprised if the 112,049 confirmed Kitchener-Waterloo cyclists dropped by a few thousand. I sure as hell won’t be getting certified!”
The Honk asked one university student what she thought of biking. “Cyclists are notoriously late here. You know, everyone has that one cycle-friend? It’s like ‘Why isn’t Jesse here yet? Oh right he’s a cyclist, I forgot for a second.'”
The city’s charming patchy bike lanes makes it near impossible for cyclists to arrive on time without riding on the street with the real vehicles.
When asked about the possibility of adding more bike lanes instead, Flabbs said “too expensive, too much work, too boring.”
Are you a regular cyclist who doesn’t already have an M2 licence? What sorts of initiatives should the City of Waterloo put forth to help reduce accidents?