Laurier Food Services Go Vegan

Laurier students have not responded positively to the vegan alternatives now elusively offered on campus such as “Gourmet Mac & Fake Cheese Soup” pictured above.

On January 28th, Laurier Food Services converted to complete veganism in the name of obesity.

Effective immediately, no restaurants on campus will be allowed to serve any meat or animal by-products. The institution has declared a state of Veganism Emergency because of the alarming amount of fatty meat consumed by students and faculty.

Following in the footsteps of New York City, which recently banned size large soft drinks; Saskatchewan, which has banned the consumption of ice cream from a cone; and the entire East coast of Canada which has finally banned Ugg boots,  Laurier’s  limitation on meat consumption is just one of many steps towards a healthier North America.

Reactions from Laurier students were predominantly negative on campus today, with many refusing to pay extra for vegan alternatives such as Gourmet Mac & Fake Cheese Soup or Bean Burgers.

A first year business student employed by the on-campus sub shop says, “Of course people are going to be mad! I don’t care if it has the same amount of protein, a Sweet Onion Tofu Teriyaki sub just isn’t the same.”

Food Services isn’t backing down. “Meatless 2013” buttons, stickers, and car-flags have already been administered to approximately half of the Laurier student body. Spokesperson for the movement, named Heidi, cites a recent article published by The Canadian Journal of Science and Fat which sums up the reason for the Veganism Emergency: “It has recently been determined that the average piece of meat contains infinite times more fat than the average vegetable.”

“I truly believe that if everyone understood how easy veganism could be, and how much better they would feel about themselves, they would convert. We’re doing them a favour, really, by deciding for them. You’re welcome Laurier,” says Heidi.

How far do Heidi and Laurier Food Services plan to take this anti-obesity movement? “It’s our dream that local businesses will follow suit. Laurier’s made our contribution to Meatless 2013. Your move Waterloo.”

The idea of full veganism on campus was presented to students at the University of Waterloo, and was not accepted well. When asked on an online forum which allowed for anonymous responses, most reactions from Waterloo students were negative: “I f***ing hate weird vegetables.” “Total full out lawsuit.” “Their food is sh*t already.”

Heidi’s hope remains high for the movement: “Perhaps by the end of 2013, Waterloo will become the first fully vegan city in the world.”

Although The Waterloo Honk has been forced to remove all of Heidi’s contact information for safety reasons, we will pass along  any feedback left in the comment section.

What do you think: Can Waterloo convert to Veganism before the end of 2013?