Bat Cave Therapy Project on Rocky Ground

The University of Waterloo's plans to install a Bat Cave for Terror Therapy seemed great at first. However after slight student protest, plans seem to be up in the air.

The University of Waterloo’s plans to install a Bat Cave for Terror Therapy seemed problem-free a few weeks ago. However after slight student protest, plans seem to be up in the air.

Yesterday the University of Waterloo revealed that the Bat Cave initiative, announced a year ago, has a possible opening date for the winter exam period of 2014. However, the great minds behind the Bat Cave Therapy project will have to overcome many obstacles in the upcoming week. Bat Cave Therapy is theorized to cause a boost in adrenaline, causing a sensation of primal terror, which is intended to put the terror experienced during exam into perspective. But with a projected cost of $155,000, the therapy project was met with immediate criticism from both students who felt that the project was too expensive, and faculty, who felt that the project not innovative enough.

The Centre for Innovative Stress Reduction (or CISR), a joint project with Brock University, issued the following statement earlier this week: “the Bat Cave project has hit several potentially fatal walls.” These “fatal walls” were not listed in the statement, but an anonymous email to the Waterloo Honk said that one of the major setbacks in the project was the discovery that not all bats drink blood. “We just figured they all did. Fruit munching bats are way less scary.”

Students Unsatisfied with Delays

Responses among students were varied. The majority of Arts students were critical of both the grammar and poor use of metaphor. Some did voice concerns that the Bat Cave would only be open to Math and Engineering students.

“I mean if a hundred some people came out to support those socialists at WPIRG last term, I really don’t see why we can’t mobilize students to support the Bat Cave,” said the head of the Business Outreach and Economic Student Union. Three members of BORESU, including one very lost looking German exchange student, protested outside the University of Waterloo President’s office for over an hour until a cleaning lady informed them the President was not in the building.

Project Manager Britanica Smith was very uncooperative when the Waterloo Honk attempted to contact her by phone over the holidays. She inexplicably refused to answer any of the Honk’s questions even when contacted at home on Christmas Eve, saying merely “where did you get this number?”

What do you think? Could Bat Cave Therapy be Waterloo’s most innovative achievement yet?

The University of Waterloo Will Introduce Bat Cave During Next Exam Period

The University of Waterloo Biology Greenhouse Bat Cave Therapy

The Biology Greenhouse will be one of 11 sites transformed into a bat cave for the university’s April 2013 exam period.

If you haven’t heard of therapeutic puppy rooms, you must not be a university student. During the past exam period, The Puppy Room phenomenon has swept the nation. University students are allotted time to play in small rooms are filled with baby dogs. Results show a 24% decrease in hypertension related to exam period.

As a chemistry student from Dalhousie famously said, “There’s something about petting a puppy that makes you forget you’re about to write an exam.”

The University of Waterloo certainly hopes to make students forget about exams with their innovative approach to animal therapy. In April 2013, The University of Waterloo will reveal the world’s first Bat Cave Therapy Room.

Students will be ushered into one of 11 a manmade caves around campus in groups of 15. Each cave will house between 50 -150 bats, which will be stimulated by flashing lights and loud noises upon the entrance of the students. Students will spend 20 minutes with the free range bats – which will induce moderate and pleasant amount of panic in the youths. It is recommended that students do not practice Bat Cave Therapy more than once per day, as demand for the caves are expected to be very high.

The effects of Bat Cave Therapy have been hypothesized extensively by Waterloo Counselling Services. According to their projected stats: The sight of a bat may cause up to 11 times more adrenaline to be released in the brain than the sight of a puppy. The moderate terror associated with the chaos of the bats will likely be enough to put the terror associated with exams into perspective.

Waterloo Counselling Services are sensitive to the needs of those students who experience social anxiety. A Solitary Bat Cave option will be available for those who are uncomfortable with group experiences and would rather face the bats alone.

“We’ve always been innovators. Why should the innovation stop? We’re innovating the puppy!”

Waterloo President was overheard overusing the word “innovation” earlier this week.

The Bat Cave Project will cost upwards of $155,000 to construct and maintain for the month. This has inspired concern from the few students who were consulted on the issue.

Waterloo Counselling Services spoke to this concern. “I’m sure if the student body was aware that this project has opened up 2 new co-op placements, they wouldn’t be so upset. The money really is going straight back to them! It’s a win-win situation, any way you look at it.”

Project Manager, Britanica Smith, also spoke towards the criticism: “Perhaps the students aren’t aware that this will be the first Bat Cave Therapy Room in the world? Innovation doesn’t come cheap.”

Construction will begin February 2013. Bat Cave Therapy will be available to anyone with a valid Watcard, beginning in April 2013.

We want to know: What do you think of Bat Cave Therapy?